Thursday, August 25, 2016

RFID Chip Now Being Issued In Hanna, Wyoming As Part Of New “Obamacare” Plan

Here We Can See The Size And Shape Of The Exciting New RFID Chip

(Hanna, WY) – The “Obamacare” RFID chips are currently being given a test run on the proud and patriotic citizens of Hanna, Wyoming. Over the last two weeks a special piece of legislation has been passed making it mandatory for anyone who receives welfare or any other form of government assistance to be implanted with these new identification chips.

Even select government employees and officials have been ordered to receive the sub-dermal device, which is typically implanted in the fatty tissue of an individual’s buttock. Police officers, military, even garbage men will be required to have the RFID chip by the end of next month or face termination from their jobs.

During the beta testing stage of this amazing technological development many news outlets have remained silent, apparently waiting to see how the trial pans out before reporting on the matter. National Report, always on the cutting edge, sent yours truly to Hanna, Wyoming in the hopes of gathering opinions and experiences from the townsfolk regarding their recently acquired RFID chips.

Tammy Josephine Laurence, a single mother of three who is currently accepting housing assistance got her chip implanted just hours before we had a chance to sit down and speak with her. She had the following to say:

“Well, they said I better do this, or they was gonna cut the welfare. I’m a full-time single mother. I got three young kids that need me at all hours and ain’t no man to help. I didn’t have no choice…”

When asked if the procedure was invasive she informed us that it was “a little like giving blood” and that she felt “tired after getting the implant” which is reportedly is a common but benign side effect.

I also spoke with Hanna, Wyoming’s Mayor Ted Howell, whose full support of the RFID chip made it mandatory for the citizens of his small community. Leading by example he was the first recipient of the RFID chip, having it implanted publicly at a recent town hall meeting. “This is change for a better, safer America” he said while undergoing the ten minute procedure. “With this scientific advancement, the terrorists do not stand a chance… USA will prevail…”

The ordinance has had some opposition, however, as several of the local churches have spoken out against the chips with protests. These fringe apocalyptic churches believe Obama to be the anti-Christ and claim the RFID chip is the Mark Of The Beast written about in their Book Of Revelations. They cite the RFID chip’s supposed serial number of 131618 as corresponding with Revelations 13:16-18. Of course, rural superstitions ultimately have no sway when it comes to the progressive new America and their scripture laden outcries have largely been ignored.

This journalist embraces the change and even got her very own RFID chip before heading back to the National Report’s home offices. The surgery was quick, simple and more or less painless. I can barely tell I’ve been implanted at all. A sacrifice I’ve gladly made for my country’s national security and hope you will too.